One of the most common problems in sexual intercourse is that men fall asleep immediately after having intercourse. If your man does this, perhaps you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. In fact, most men go to sleep immediately afterward, so if you have this problem you are the majority and if not you are the lucky minority.
Fortunately, there are some simple steps you can take to fix this problem. If you’ve already dropped some subtle (or not-so-subtle) clues and haven’t heard back, don’t despair. Experience (and field research) has shown that men rarely respond to this, and certainly not in the long term. However, there are other methods that have been shown to be more effective.
The first step in solving this problem is to understand it. The main causes are discussed in some detail in the article Why do men go to sleep after sex? However, briefly there are:
- Fatigue and / or relaxation. Sex most often occurs at the end of the day, when men are tired. It also usually occurs in the bedroom, the natural place to sleep. Also, sex is often relaxing, mostly due to the release of sexual tension.
- Environment. Habit and environment are strong influences. For most people, it is natural to sleep in bed and sleep at night. Consequently, after having sex in bed at the end of the day, it is natural for most men to simply go to sleep.
- Hormonal. During sexual intercourse, a variety of hormones and brain chemicals are released; some of which are related to relaxation and sleep.
- Indifference. This is the explanation most often given by women when asked why men fall asleep after having sex. They propose that the needs of the man (sexual liberation) have been satisfied and then they are no longer interested in the needs of the woman.
Of course, there are some men who will naturally hug after sex, and others will do so in response to their partner’s emotional needs. However, if you are in the majority of women whose men do not do this, you have three options:
- Accept that your emotional needs for cuddling after sex will not be met. Obviously, this is not a satisfactory situation.
- Ask (or insist) to hug you. This can work, but as explained in the article cited above, it generally doesn’t.
- Eliminate factors that cause you to fall asleep after sex. In general, this is the most successful approach and it is the one discussed in this article.
The first thing to do is try to have sex when you are not tired. For example, instead of having sex at night, wake him up on a Saturday or Sunday morning (but not when he’s hungover or has to run somewhere) in a provocative way. Be sexier and try harder to please him. If sex in the morning is a special pleasure, you will want to repeat it. In addition, you may also find that on a weekend morning you can have more relaxed sex (although this is more difficult if you have young children who need care) and you are not tired from work, which can also make it especially enjoyable. If you just got a good night’s rest, you’re less likely to fall asleep afterward. If mornings are not possible, perhaps a weekend afternoon.
Relaxation also plays an important role. Consider the things that will keep you from falling into a relaxed stupor afterward. Wear sexy underwear that he hasn’t had before, make love in a different way, tell him you have a surprise for him later in the evening. Anything that adds a little emotional edge, excitement, anticipation, surprise.
The environment is very important. Sex in bed is comfortable, but it is also very conducive to sleeping afterward. Try a different location; for example, throw a thick blanket on the living room floor. Candles and / or a lit fireplace can add atmosphere. Have background music; preferably something that is not too relaxing. Think about the things that help you sleep (for example, quiet, dark, soft bed, late at night, alcohol, watching TV at night) and change them.
The third element, hormonal, is more difficult (if not impossible). As mentioned above and in the revered article, sleep hormones are released during the point of climax, and more intense climaxes release greater amounts of the hormone. Just remember that hormones don’t force a man to sleep, they just make him more predisposed. Do the other things right and you can hope to have your man wide awake afterward.
Most men find sleep after sex (especially with the associated release of sleep hormones) completely natural and find it very difficult to understand or respond to their partner’s emotional needs for cuddling and bonding after sex. They may try to ask and explain, but experience shows that this is rarely effective. Similarly, anger, threats, or denial of sex are not particularly effective (nor do they get the kind of response one wants). Experience shows that in this case, as in so many other situations, positive reinforcement is the most effective approach. You start by making him hug him a little bit, even if it’s only for a few seconds and mostly you hug him, and then you tell him that you like him. Telling a man that he did something right in bed (he hugged you) and that you were pleased by doing it will almost always be much more effective than criticizing him (for example, for not hugging him). Once you have a decent hug, you can try a more extreme booster. For example, the next day tell him how much you enjoyed hugging him after sex; If you feel embarrassed, don’t worry as this means you will probably remember it much better.
If one day you mentioned that you were talking to your girlfriends who were complaining about their men falling asleep after sex and you told them that you are blessed with a great lover who doesn’t do this, that should stick on their mind. . After all, while possibly embarrassing, what man doesn’t want to be known as a great lover? He certainly doesn’t want you to go back to them a few weeks later and say he falls asleep like everyone else.
Of course, not all of these techniques are suitable for every couple. You must decide for yourself what is appropriate and effective for your relationship.