According to one survey, 92 percent of men who cheat said they cheat because of an emotional disconnect. People would think that men cheat because of sex, but they don’t realize that sex, being a means of conveying emotional to physical expression, is just as important to men as affection is to women.
Men are also emotional beings. The problem is that society has painted them in a way that doesn’t make them look that way. Society plays an important role in defining men. Think about it, the media has a huge misconception about men that they become “macho” when they have more than one woman. Almost to the point where it connotes that the more women a man can have, the more powerful he becomes, or that men have a biological right to cheat primarily because he has the penis.
They don’t have to worry about being pregnant or keeping tabs on their monthly OB/GYN visits. The media portrays them as the alpha dogs and that women are mere expendable sex objects. We delude ourselves into believing that men are these lustful gods and animals who have no sense of self-control, remorse and conscience to figure out what is right and what is wrong when it comes to sex.
This misconception is confusing and can basically lead us astray from the truth. Men are just as emotional as women, but they just displace their emotions in different, socially acceptable ways.
1. Appreciation– Most men who cheat feel underestimated by their partners. With daily worries like bills, kids, and housework, couples stop appreciating each other. The other woman often makes the man feel better, making him feel different, appreciated, and admired. Men look strong, powerful and capable. But inside, they are insecure like everyone else. They are looking for someone to build them up so they feel valued.
Men have a winning mentality. Just think of how men watch their favorite sports teams on TV. They love to win. As long as they are in the game, even until the end, they will watch. Once it’s a blowout and they know their team can’t win, the TV goes off. They may not have been nice guys to live with, but if you want to preserve your relationship, make them feel like they’re gaining from the things they do for you. No matter how small, appreciation will keep your man from watching an affair.
2. Appearance vs Attention– 88 percent of men surveyed in one study said other women were no more attractive than their own wives or girlfriends. This just proves that there are things other than physical appearance that can lead a man to cheat. Caution is one of them. Most men cheat because their wives or girlfriends stop paying attention to them. They put a very strong control on this and if they can’t find it in your house or apartment, they come looking for it somewhere else.
The other woman makes them feel safe. They feel they can be themselves. They can talk more, express themselves more, and a listening ear is always available when they need to share their stories. They are amazed how anyone else can be so interested in their work, their childhood, their plans and their dreams. And men put a high price on this!
Anyone, no matter what you look like, can look up to you, open up and give you that little extra boost and hang on to your every word. So instead of spending too much extra time at the office, why not spend some quality time listening to your partner?
3. Power. A common mistake of working women is when they make men feel castrated by rubbing in their faces that they have higher incomes. This can make the guy feel criticized and again underestimated. Making them lose their sense of power in a relationship.
According to Sherry Argov, in the book “Why Men Marry Bitches,” “Power is as intoxicating for men as romance is for women.” Once they feel vulnerable, the men will try to regain lost power by cheating on a woman, who, as you guessed it, usually works as a waitress at TGI Fridays!
So be very careful about how you look to your partner when you have a high power career. Although men may seem sympathetic and proud, they have a certain form of insecurity when it comes to putting food on the table or paying for dinners. He doesn’t mean that the woman should feel sorry for being more successful than him, or that she should simply quit her job or ask to be demoted just to stroke her ego.
It’s more about how tactfully and sensitively you handle yourself when you talk about your job, your paycheck, your FICO score, your investments, or your purchases. Modesty is the important thing here. Don’t criticize their work or income either. Be sure to let him know that you’re supporting him, not competing against him.
4. Passion. Most couples stop dating when the honeymoon stage is over. 4 years of marriage and it’s all about microwave TV dinners and talking about bills. Spice has been replaced by monotony. So from time to time you should go out to your favorite restaurant, go to the movies (not rent a DVD) and watch a movie you both enjoy.
Activities, outside of the routine of living at home, are the things that get the juices flowing in a relationship. Many couples stop dating after marriage or after a long period of time, so the woman wonders why the man has run off with another woman.
This is because men, in general, like women who are fun and outgoing. They like a woman who laughs more and knows how to have a good time. Men are like kids and if you’re not going to be a fun playmate, they’ll find the next girl in the neighborhood to play with. If you’re that heavy, chances are she’ll be mad at you for it. A man needs to be constantly stimulated to keep his attention. Otherwise, he will retaliate and feel unappreciated and taken for granted. He wants to know that you can still be entertained by his company, that he can still make you laugh, and that you care about his character.
Don’t stop the humor because you are already busy with important priorities. Include recreation in your budget and schedule. Make sex more interesting by buying a new pair of sexy lingerie. Experiment in bed. The key here is that you need to cover all aspects of your life together to keep him engaged and interested only in you.
This does not mean that you should be a doormat and become your own private entertainer, like a court jester who juggles for the king all day. The very purpose of this is to keep the fire burning, the engines running, and the steam flowing. Remember, men are just as passionate as women.