Anyone can be the object of rudeness and thoughtlessness.
Because I am a writer of books and columns, and because I have lectured, appeared on radio and television, I am sometimes recognized in public. I’m glad I’m not more recognizable, because along with the kind comments, gratitude, and praise I get from many people, others feel compelled to criticize, often in a petty way, and often without even having read the book or the spine. You are criticizing. Therefore, I have been forced to learn how to deal with negative comments, even when they are petty and meant to hurt me. Because we all get criticized from time to time, the following ideas may help you.
How you handle an uncomfortable situation depends on whether or not you are setting limits. Most situations can be handled with polite firmness. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to say “no thanks” and get him to stay.
If you say “no thanks” several times, then politely tell the person that you don’t like what they’re doing, that it makes you uncomfortable, and you still don’t understand, then they should be seated. And tell them you won’t let them do that to you.
For example, if a friend makes rude or intrusive comments about your age, you can politely say, “Your comment makes me feel uncomfortable” or “I appreciate that you think I look good, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.” If that doesn’t work, then have a talk. Say, “When you ask questions about my age, you make me unhappy and it hurts my feelings.” If that doesn’t make things better, then you should give that person a “Time out”: Remove yourself from personal contact and be very polite when you see her. He or she will get the message loud and clear. Your friend may ask, “Are you mad at me?”, and then you can describe what the problem is.
Here are some possible awkward moments and how to handle them.
• You meet someone and you have forgotten their name, so you cannot introduce them to your partner.
This is easily handled with prior agreement with your partner. My husband knows if I don’t introduce him right away to say “Hi, I’m Richard. I didn’t get your name.” Then I can say “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you two had never met.” However, you can take the direct approach. “Sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.” Or, if you’re my age, you can say, “Please forgive me, I’m going through a mature moment and I don’t remember your name.”
• You’re gossiping about someone in the office bathroom and she walks out of the cubicle.
All you can do is say, “I’m sorry. That was rude of me.” But you can never get it back. That’s why gossip is a very bad idea. Best solution; stop gossiping; it only hurts you and everyone else. Second best: Save the gossip for a private time and place and don’t let your mouth run. If you gossip in a public area, you never know if a friend or relative of the subject of your gossip is listening to you.
• You show up for a blind date and you don’t like what you see.
I suggest, for all blind dates or online hookups, that a friend or family member call you a few minutes after the date begins. You can ignore the call if you’re having fun, or you can say “OMG! I’ll be there.” on the phone and declare a family emergency. Or, you can spend a few minutes having a cup of coffee and then say, “Sorry, I don’t think we’re a match. Thank you very much.” and leave. Don’t go on blind dates for some complicated or expensive matter; have a coffee date first. You should always have your own transportation to a first blind date, and you should not have an unknown person at your home. Meet for coffee in a public place.
• Your babysitter asks you for a raise that you think you don’t deserve.
Why do you have a babysitter you don’t think is good? If you don’t like it, find another babysitter. You can say, “Sorry, this is all we can afford right now.” Don’t wait until you ask for a raise if there are problems, and don’t bring up a litany of problems after you ask for a raise. She won’t believe you; she’ll think you’re just trying to justify not giving her a raise.
• Her mother-in-law buys her daughter an outfit that she doesn’t think is appropriate for a preteen. (Naturally, your teen loves it.)
If you can, make some adjustments (such as a tank top or leotard under a bare midriff outfit) that will make the outfit more appropriate for her to wear. So, he lets his grandmother see her in it. That will get the message across. If not, return the outfit to Grandma and say, “Susie loves your present and thanks for thinking of her, but I’m afraid I’m too prudish to let her wear it. I’m so sorry.”
• You receive an inappropriate or surprisingly ugly gift from someone.
Say “Thank you” and accept the gift with kindness. Think about the good intentions of the donor and then later you can give it to a thrift store or someone else who might like it.
• Someone comments on your weight loss and you don’t feel well.
As someone who has lost and gained weight, I understand exactly the problem. The recipient of the compliment (especially the ambiguous ones) also realizes that the commenter must have criticized his weight, albeit silently, before this. People who want to give compliments should stick to “Wow, you look great.” and refrain from adding the intrusive “have you lost weight?” It’s really a privacy issue, although you can see the weight loss, it’s really not someone else’s business.
If you get such an awkward compliment, just say “thank you” and bring up a different topic, or add “you look good too.” If you don’t allow the busybody (who may be very well-intentioned) to engage you in a conversation about your weight and health, you will discourage further comments. If you get a really awful comment like “you were too fat before,” don’t dignify it with a response. Simply look the person in the eye and remain silent. There’s no need to say anything to a slap like that. Your silence will say a lot. Let the silence hang in the air for a moment, and then bring up a totally different topic, like “Isn’t it a beautiful day?” Or, if you feel really insulted, just walk away and talk to someone else. If you’re so upset that you can’t control your response, then say “excuse me” and quickly go to the bathroom, which is a safe haven where you can regain your composure. The rude “friend” will get the message much more clearly this way than if you lower yourself to their level and retort in anger.
Managing difficult personalities requires skill and knowledge. Here is a technique that anyone can learn to use and that works every time.
adult waiting time
If someone misbehaves in your presence, giving that adult a “time out” is a powerful yet subtle way to fix the problem. Modern parents use time out to discipline young children. The child is sent to a corner, or to a room, to think about his behavior. An adult variation of time out also works with any adult friends who are acting childish or misbehaving. All you need to do is become very distant and polite towards the person who doesn’t treat you well. No personal conversation and interaction, no jokes, no emotions. Be very polite, so the person can’t accuse you of being unpleasant, mean, or rude. There is no need to explain what you are doing: the problem person will get the message from your behavior, which is much more effective. If you’ve never tried this before, you’ll be surprised how effective it can be to become polite and pleasant but distant.
Most of the time, your friend’s behavior will immediately become more subdued around you; and often she or she will treat you more carefully. Eventually, he or she may ask you what’s wrong or why you’ve changed, and then (and only then) do you have a chance to tell him what the problem behavior is and why you’re not doing it. like. Learning to put unpleasant friends on timeouts right at the start of unpleasant behavior can make harsher tactics unnecessary. And if the person’s behavior doesn’t change, you can leave it in “time out” and you’ll be protected.