If someone were to ask, “What is the truest expression of love?” my answer would be “commitment.”
Of course, the perfect answer would be “to die for another,” but the reality is that there aren’t many opportunities for each of us to die for another to prove our love.
In terms of love between a woman and a man, what defines “commitment”?
Difficult question! There are probably as many answers as there are couples and individuals in society.
Some ways the word “compromise” has been used include:
— A formal public vow in which two people choose to dedicate themselves to each other for life, through a marriage ceremony, whether religious or civil.
— An arrangement that allows two people to enjoy all the benefits of marriage, but without the “slippery realities” of a religious or civil contract (living with a boyfriend/girlfriend)
— An agreement to begin planning a future together (compromise)
— A verbal contract to “see how it works” before you start planning a future together
— A verbal contract to continue working and investing in the relationship.
— A promise to have only one sexual partner (exclusive relationship)
As you can see, every man and woman’s expectations of commitment are different, and that’s perfectly fine. But whether commitment to you means a marriage ceremony and a vow or a verbal agreement to be an exclusive sexual partner, one thing is for sure: a committed relationship isn’t something that just happens because you’ve been with the same person for a certain amount of time. time frame. time, so things “naturally” progress toward a committed relationship.
We all know very well that in real life that is not what happens. What happens is that one partner feels committed but does not feel the same level of commitment as the other person. Getting someone who doesn’t seem ready to commit or is resistant to committing is probably one of the hardest things to do.
Some men and women may be tempted to tell the other person to join or go, but this usually doesn’t work because people generally resent being forced out of their position and are likely to leave or try to undermine the relationship. . Just like you can’t insist that someone loves or loves you, you can’t insist that someone commit to you. To insist or try to force a compromise is to court unhappiness, pain, and heartbreak.
So what do you do if you’re ready for a commitment and the other person still doesn’t seem to be there? Do you wait for him or her to commit to you and the relationship?
There’s no hard and fast rule as to when a relationship should move from one stage to the next, but if your relationship has been stable for some time but things just aren’t moving forward, it’s time to take matters into your own hands.
The first step is to assess the commitment potential of the relationship. Sometimes it’s about really understanding the situation and why commitment hasn’t been mentioned and if it has, why you’re not in a committed relationship, yet!
An honest, realistic, and open inventory of the situation would include, among other things, finding out what the other person is or is concerned about. Most men and women have good reasons for resisting commitment, some may be aware of their reasons and others are clueless.
The other person may be more focused on the negatives than the positives. There is a chance that he thinks that things just won’t work out, that he will fail, that he will hurt himself or you.
If his fears are unfounded, reassure him. If he doesn’t understand what he is saying, ask him to explain it to you. Don’t assume that he knows what worries or concerns you the most. Ask, listen and show empathy towards their worries or concerns. When someone is allowed to talk about their fears and reservations in a safe and supportive environment, without being attacked or mocked, they are more likely to see that their fears are unfounded.
It is also possible that the other person is comfortable with the current situation and feels that a compromise will change things and even mess things up. If he/she thinks that the uncertainties, risks, and what you have to give up outweigh the benefits of a committed relationship, he/she will not be willing to accept the change that commitment brings.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to explain to him/her with words and demonstrate with actions what he/she has personally. He/she needs to see that the future will be better than the current situation. He/she also needs to feel that he/she will not only be a beneficiary of that desired future, but an equal co-creator in making the future happen. Her commitment will be directly proportional to her confidence and enthusiasm, so be sure to keep communication open at all times.
It’s important to remember that while resistance to commitment can sometimes feel like your world has come to a standstill, resistance to commitment can also be healthy. It can act as a brake that slows you down and allows you to see things more clearly (is this the right person for you?) and you can also navigate the process at a pace that is emotionally and financially comfortable for you.
That said, it’s not a very good idea not to wait too long before bringing up the commitment, as things may become too comfortable to change.