Sometimes I hear from wives that they are pretty sure their husband will leave them. Some of them simply have a strong feeling or suspicion that their husband is unhappy. Others have husbands who have been very honest about the fact that he is considering moving. Many of the wives do not want to accept this. Some of them admit that the marriage has problems, but most do not believe that the problem is serious enough to end the marriage. Most wives just want to buckle up, focus on the love that remains in the marriage, and try to save their family. The wife generally imagines that if the love is there, everything else can be arranged. Sometimes the husband realizes this, begins to drift away, and begins to worry the wife that he no longer loves her as he used to. So she adds two and two and begins to believe that if she can make him “love her more” then he won’t want to leave anymore.
She might say, “The way my husband acts, I realize he doesn’t love me the way he used to. And I know it’s not just my imagination, because, in the past, he has talked about moving. First, he was. to do in the fall, but then Thanksgiving and Christmas came so he didn’t. Then he got really frustrated with me again in March and I’m pretty sure he was looking for another place to live, but his mother got sick so he had to deal with it. At this point, I just want him to love me more so that he doesn’t have to deal with this threat of moving every few months. he keeps waiting for problems that are going to deter him from moving. How can I increase your love for me so that you don’t want to move? “
Why don’t you want to leave any hint of tampering in this mix: This situation is so complicated on many levels. First, the moment you try to “make” someone feel or do something, then you introduce elements of manipulation and desperation into the mix. Those things are never good. If a husband is already feeling somewhat upset, knowing that his wife is trying to “force” him to do something will not generate feelings of love. Usually it will encourage you to do the opposite; instead, it could back off and retreat. Worse still, it can limit your access to it, which suddenly makes your job that much more difficult.
Take stock of what is positive: I don’t know you and I know even less about your marriage. But it could be telling that your husband is still at home. A man who was completely miserable or at the end of his rope would walk away and let nothing stop him, regardless of the vacation or his extended family. If the situation was truly intolerable, he would go first and worry about timing or details second. I’m not saying I’m happy. I’m just saying that the situation may not be serious yet. You may still have time.
I know her inclination right now is to panic and put more pressure on her husband. These are the last things you should do. Think about what attracted you to your husband initially. It was probably not a panicked woman who wanted to claim him and hold him tight. No, she was probably a playful woman who listened intently when he spoke and expected the same of him.
Fix what can be fixed: A really good way to attract him to love you more is to take away the things that make him love the situation less. What I mean by that is that often it is the circumstances surrounding the marriage that provoke the feelings within it. You may have a hard time feeling love when you are so stressed that you can’t even spend quality time with your spouse. It can be difficult to feel love when you are fighting. The best thing to do is to create an atmosphere conducive to feelings of love and then eliminate what pollutes that atmosphere. If you know that your husband is crazy about you when you are clingy, then stop. Control what you can, and this is usually your behavior, not his.