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I often talk to my clients about the five emotions that act as cousins ​​when they come in groups:

1. Fear: This emotion is often difficult to identify or recognize. There’s an old expression that goes, “Big boys don’t cry.” Those with a military background are hesitant to show weakness, and despite the traumatic experiences they’ve had, they often don’t even want to talk about how scared they were.

Some people are afraid of not being liked or wanted. They let fear lead them into horrible circumstances where their needs are sacrificed. Others are afraid to start something new in case they fail or seem foolish.

2. Control – Unfortunately, control is tricky, especially when we think we can control things or people to ensure a desired outcome. Mistaken! There are some things that we can control, but these are limited to our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

3. Perfectionism – It’s OK to make mistakes! That is part of being human. Those who strive to be perfect often get trapped in a set of rules they have created for themselves. They think that certain things have to be done by a certain time and lose the ability to show forgiveness and grace towards themselves and others.

4. Worry – Years ago I had a client who said, “Worry is praying to the devil.” That surprised me but, at the same time, I could see how it made sense to her. Chronic worryers often suffer from physical problems such as ulcers, heart problems, and migraines. They tend to focus on difficulties or problems over which they have no power, and therefore their worrying is ineffective but exhausting.

5. Anxiety – This is a natural response to stress that can be rational or irrational. For example, the stress associated with going to a job interview, giving a speech, or meeting someone new is rational. On the other hand, when you find yourself frequently saying “What if…?” You may find that your anxiety is totally irrational.

There are several things you can do to deal with these five cousins:

1. Limit substances such as alcohol, caffeine, and drugs.

2. Have a regular bedtime routine and get plenty of rest. You may find that a weighted blanket helps.

3. Be sure to regularly eat nutritious food and water every day.

4. Exercise to activate your natural endorphins (pain relievers and mood stabilizers)

5. Take a break and practice your internal dialogue (say what you want).

6. Take deep breaths to slow down your mind and body.

7. Slowly count to 10 (or 100) before responding to difficult situations or thoughts.

8. Treat yourself as kindly as if you were a good friend.

As in any family, each of these cousins ​​has unique traits and ways of manifesting in our lives. The good news is that you have the ability to deal with each one of them. Get good at being aware of their presence and implementing positive strategies and soon they’ll know you’re in charge, not them!