We can all choose to say ‘no’ to things; a piece of cake, a cup of tea, a date or a job offer. We have the choice to go or not to go, to accept or not to accept. At first glance anyway.
For some, saying ‘no’ is their automatic default. They may be busy, stressed, overworked, overwhelmed and desperate to avoid taking on more, determined not to add to their load. Or they may lack confidence and don’t want to be seen as struggling or failing in someone else’s eyes.
Then there are those who always say ‘yes’. They may not want to miss a thing, they are always willing to participate, to know what is happening and to have their hands on the kidneys. They do not want to hurt, disappoint or disappoint others and they like to see everyone pleased and happy.
The optimal level is probably somewhere in the middle, where we say ‘yes’ enough times to push ourselves and challenge ourselves, try new things, make new contacts, and get out of our comfort zones. But still say ‘no’, often enough to make time and space to think, breathe and do what feels right.
So why do we say yes?
– Accepting invitations and offers stretches us mentally and introduces some stress into our lives. A little stress is good for us, it makes us think, solve problems, generate new ideas and answers, find the best way forward. It’s good to keep our minds alert and engaged with the introduction of new things, especially when there is nothing out of the ordinary or challenging in our lives.
– Saying ‘yes’ can include meeting new contacts and expanding our business or social circle. We may have to risk being the ‘new guy’, opening new doors and even freaking out a bit. Going to an unknown place, doing something different is especially important if life has become a routine or we are looking for a new beginning.
– If requests and invitations regularly cause tension, fear and stress, but you still find yourself automatically saying ‘yes’, it is good to pause and reflect on what is happening internally, emotionally. ‘I need to check my diary, I’ll call you’, can be an answer that gives you a little time to reflect on the pros and cons of what will bring a yes or no to your life and what is the best decision you can make. right now.
– However, could you be one of those people who always has to say ‘yes’? You may fear appearing incompetent, out of your league, struggling, so you never dare to say ‘no’. But constantly saying ‘yes’ affects the quality of your work and your mental health as you become overworked and stressed. You’re not doing anyone a favor by always saying ‘yes’ and assuming too much.
Why would we choose to say no?
– In a busy and stressful life, saying ‘no’ can be your best friend, a lifesaver where you get back some time and peace for yourself. If you’re already stressed and overworked, you may feel vulnerable, guilty, or bad about turning down, but sometimes you have to.
– It may be that other people do not realize how busy you are, do not appreciate what you are going through, what else is going on in your life. Saying ‘no’ gives you the opportunity to introduce some caps and limits on your availability. Saying ‘no’ appropriately makes them stop and appreciate your contribution, one they may have taken for granted until now.
– That you have free time does not mean that you have to be available to others, no matter how obligated you feel. Emergencies aside, it’s nice to have personal time to do other things, pursue other hobbies and interests, play golf, meet friends for coffee, have an hour or so of leisure on your own. There is no need to explain or justify yourself; just smile and stand your ground, you are busy, you have other plans that have already been made.
– If you find reviewing your automated response to requests surprisingly difficult, take a look at where your compliance mindset comes from. Is it a pattern from childhood, where your home was always concerned with pleasing others, keeping the peace, not disappointing, being available? Living in a fragile or vulnerable environment brings stress, sometimes resulting in learned behavior that needs to be addressed and overcome, perhaps through therapy.
Just be aware of how much you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and what your first reaction is when an offer or request is made. If you think something is scary but will ultimately be valuable, why not learn to give it a try? But if your gut tells you this isn’t for you, that you really don’t want to do it, that it’s not right for you, you can relax as you gain confidence and choose to say no.