Have you ever wondered why they take all the good men away? Have you ever met a married man who is so beautiful that you can’t help but be envious of his wife? You’re not alone. The other day, I was traveling to Los Angeles and met the most charming married man at the airport. I left the airport thinking that his wife was a lucky woman.

Fantasies are healthy. They allow us to get in touch with our sexual desires and make us feel more alive. Face it: if you don’t have some dreams and fantasies, you’re taking yourself too seriously. Fantasies are healthier and more enjoyable when they exist in our minds, because we don’t have to deal with the consequences. As long as it’s just fantasies, we don’t have to deal with indigestion after eating that forbidden fruit.

The problem only arises when a woman, so consumed by her desires, tries to make that fantasy a reality. It is human nature that we want the unattainable. There is something very tempting about having an affair with a handsome, unavailable man. When that married man consciously flirts with us and makes fun of us, he only fuels the fire.

In my experience as a relationship coach, I have spoken to many single women who want advice on how to deal with the painful consequences of having affairs. It turns out that the forbidden fruit not only gives you indigestion, but also inflicts deep emotional pain that can take a long time to heal. While physical encounters are always fun and exciting, many single women inevitably fell for married men. The problem is that these men are not as emotionally involved as women.

For women who are tempted to act out that fantasy, or who are already living that fantasy, the following ideas may help clear things up.

  • The feeling of love may be just an illusion. We desire the unattainable. The love you feel for a married man may just be a reflection of the desire to possess something that you can never have. In fact, many of my clients have confessed that it is the biggest upset when men want to leave their wives to be with them.
  • When you only meet the man through physical encounters, you only get a glimpse of him as a person. You may begin to wonder how he is with his wife, how he plays with his children, how he spends his time when he is not with you. Eventually, you start projecting your image of the perfect match onto him. Take some time to ask yourself if you are idealizing this married man and making him more perfect than he really is.
  • Know that there will be consequences. A damaged reputation, harsh judgments from colleagues and friends are just a few of the consequences you face when the matter becomes known. Social acceptance is important for our psychological well-being. Be aware of the high price you may have to pay for living out your fantasy!
  • Thinking that you can handle a purely physical relationship is dangerous. Many single women go into affairs confident that they can handle a purely physical relationship. As modern women, they believe that they do not need a partner to take care of their emotional needs. Eventually, they realize that a physical relationship without an emotional foundation is highly unsatisfying. Gradually they become emotionally involved and infatuated or fall in love with the married man. When the man uses the woman as a purely sexual object, no matter how emotionally strong the woman is, he will feel dissatisfied.

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